


Letting Go of the Me

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fake Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 05:50:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21294593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Simon knows it's probably a terrible idea, but he wants to go to his own funeral.
Relationships: Clary Fray & Simon Lewis, Elaine Lewis & Simon Lewis, Magnus Bane & Simon Lewis, Rebecca Lewis & Simon Lewis, Simon Lewis & Isabelle Lightwood
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51
Collections: Shadowhunters: The Ficlet Instruments





	Letting Go of the Me

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [sh_ficletinstruments](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/sh_ficletinstruments) collection. 

> **Prompt:**  
It's not every day that you gatecrash your own funeral, but it is today.

The support Simon receives after being forced to encanto his own mother into believing he’s dead is overwhelming. Isabelle’s by his side from the moment he leaves the hospital chapel, Clary spends time comforting his mother and helping Rebecca not deal with Mrs. Lewis alone, and even Magnus volunteers to help with a glamoured ‘corpse’ for the funeral service so his family has the peace of mind of knowing he was given a proper full-bodied burial. 

Everyone supports him 100% until he says he wants to go to the funeral. Isabelle and Clary both refuse to let him anywhere near it, insisting it’s a bad idea. And maybe it is - it probably is - but that doesn’t change his mind. It’s Magnus who finally caves and agrees to glamour Simon so he can stand at the back, so long as he promises not to do anything stupid or say a single word. No one knows he’s there. They don’t even tell Clary.

Two minutes in and Simon thinks Clary and Iz might’ve been right - maybe he shouldn’t be here. 

It’s a strange sensation to witness your own funeral, Simon realizes. He feels guilty at the sadness he’s causing every person there, and there are far more people present than he expected, honestly. But it’s also a bit of a relief; now he won’t have to worry about explaining away why he isn’t aging after a few years, he won’t have to spend the rest of his life building a web of lies. 

He just has to get through this one  _ gigantic _ lie and he’s free. 

His mother doesn’t speak at the funeral. She’s asked to, and she tries, but every time she opens her mouth all she can do is sob. 

Rebecca talks instead, saying some nice things about the sort of brother, son, friend Simon was. Her words are much more kind than Simon feels he deserves. Rebecca cries a little too, despite knowing the truth, because even though he may not be gone he’s still dead and their lives will change forever because of that. He supposes she’s mourning the loss of the brother she knew before - which is totally fair, even if it hurts to see the very real distress on his sister’s face. 

Simon almost ruins his hidden spot by barely managing to choke back a muffled sob. 

“We can leave whenever you want,” Magnus reassures him with a whisper. Simon shakes his head. 

“If they can get through this, so can I,” Simon replies, resolved, and Magnus only responds by placing a hand on Simon’s shoulder and squeezing, leaving it there for the rest of the short service. 

Just as quickly it’s over and everybody leaves - everyone except Simon who waits until the last car drives away to walk up to his own grave, standing there in silence for a few minutes before quietly asking Magnus to portal him home. 

It’ll feel liberating in time, Simon imagines - he just has to stop crying first. 

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


End file.
